


It's All I've Ever Wanted

by brownest_goldfish_intheair



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s12e10 The Timeless Children, F/M, Fix-It, Forgiveness, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild BDSM, Telepathy, Thoschei, best enemies, discussions of mental health, soft doctor, the Master needs a hug, they both have issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:16:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23243878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brownest_goldfish_intheair/pseuds/brownest_goldfish_intheair
Summary: "She slowly put the gun on the ground beside her as she saw realisation dawn on him: She wasn’t going to give him what he wanted; she’d seen through him."The Doctor changes her strategy at the end of "The Timeless Children"; she just wants her friend back.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair, Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan)
Comments: 46
Kudos: 162





	1. 1st Chapter

"Go on, then!" He near screamed, lowering his face so she was pointing the gun right at it. God, she was furious with him: Why did he have to make it seem like he was talking her into it? Why did have to mock her like this?  
"Come on, come on!" He continued and, fixing him with burning eyes, she moved her finger closer to the trigger.  
But then, on the verge of pushing the button that would end both their lives in an instant, she noticed something in his eyes, shining clearly through all the rage and hate: desperation. He wasn't enjoying this - he was suffering, just as much as her. And he wasn't mocking her; he was begging. Begging her to kill him.  
_Is it hurting, Doctor? ‘Cause it really hurt me._  
_The history between us does mean something. It’s the rage and pain in my hearts._  
Her face slowly softened as she relaxed her grip on the gun and gave him a warm, sad smile.  
"Oh, my love." She whispered in a voice she hadn't used with him since back when he was Missy. He was kneeling on the floor now, the tears that were slowly gathering in his eyes betraying the hard glare he was trying to keep up.  
She slowly put the gun on the ground beside her as she saw realisation dawn on him: She wasn’t going to give him what he wanted; she’d seen through him. He turned his head to the side and covered his face with his hand when he was shaken by a sob. And he looked so ashamed, like he wanted to hide from her so badly, it almost made her cry too because how could he think he'd ever have to be ashamed to cry in front of _her_?

She moved to kneel before him, the answer to everything - the right thing to do - suddenly so clear in her mind, she wondered how she could not have seen it sooner.  
"Will you let me hold you?" She whispered, worried how he would react if she made him feel like he wasn't fully in control. He hesitated for a moment, still fighting to stop sobbing and she just wanted to tell him it was okay, he could let go, but she couldn’t - he had to allow her in first.  
"Please." She added quietly, putting herself in a vulnerable place too. After another second, he nodded, very quickly, still not looking at her, but it was all she needed. She moved closer and gently wrapped him in her arms. In less than a heartbeat, he’d melted into her like wax into a candle form: and she let him bury his face in her shirt and moved them into a sitting position so he could fully lean on her. She felt like she was catching him, like his body would have inevitably ended up hitting the ground if she hadn't been there to hold him up.  
He'd given up fighting his tears now, too; he was violently shaking under her touch, his sobs muffled by her shirt, slowly getting wet with his tears. And he was holding onto her like a lost child, his arms trembling on her back as if he was scared she was gonna let go at any moment.  
"Shh, hey" She said while gently rubbing his back and his shoulders. "I've got you, okay? I've got you." At that his breath hitched so hard, her hearts almost stopped.  
"But you don't..." He cocked out painfully. "You don't care. You don't care anymore." He was crying so hard, she really had to focus to understand him.  
"I..." She kept comfortingly stroking his back despite her confusion. "Why would I not care?" He shook his head and buried it deeper in her shirt. She sighed silently and closed her eyes, patiently waiting for a response she wasn’t sure she was ever going to get.

“I just...” He started after a while, fighting to keep his voice steady. “You’re so…” He took a deep, shaky breath and moved away to face her. “So strong. And good and brilliant and…” He softly cupped her face with his hand while more tears rolled down his cheeks. “And you’re so special; you’re special and I’m not.” On the last word, his voice broke again and he reluctantly let his hand fall from her cheek. She caught it with hers immediately, pulling him back into her arms. She had to take a few breaths before answering, not quite trusting her own voice.  
“Oh, you idiot.” She finally chuckled with tears in her eyes. “Do you really think, that a few added memories would ever change the way I feel about you? You’re my best friend, always have been and always will be.”  
"But how..." He whispered hoarsely. "How can I be your friend when I'm... I'm nothing but a nuisance to you. I don't have anything to offer, nothing to give to you." That burned. It had never crossed her mind, not even for a second, that she was somehow better than him. For her, there was no _her_ and _him_. There was only _them_. She gently moved him away from her a bit so she was facing him again. He looked exhausted.  
"Listen to me." She said as she wiped a few tears off his face. "I don't need anything from you. I just want you with me. That's all I've ever wanted. Do you really not know that?" He shook his head, his eyes filling with tears again.  
"I'm sorry." He said. "I'm sorry, I just..." She could see how much he was struggling to believe her.  
"Don't listen to your head." She said, still caressing his cheek. "Listen to _me_." He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch.  
“Let me show you how special you are to me.” She whispered and when she moved to put her forehead against his, she could feel him relax against her for the first time in centuries.

When they touched, his mind was already wide open. It made her throat close up with tears, how easily she could sink in, how perfectly she still fit. She let all her walls crash down at once, let him have everything - everything she'd ever felt for him. All the fears and dreams and doubts and hopes. All the pain and love and need. She wanted to drown in his thoughts.  
He whimpered at the sensation, grabbing her hand tighter to steady himself as she touched every single one of their shared memories and replaced all the pain and insecurity with adoration and familiarity. She moved past the anger and fear and _longing_ \- oh, how much that hurt - and found passion and chaos and constellations of thoughts, moving around each other at lightspeed in infinite unpredictable motions. It was beautiful - so beautiful, she almost forgot to breathe.  
_God, how did I survive without this for so long_?  
She wasn't sure whose thought it was, passing through their minds.  
_I feel whole with you._ It didn't matter, they were so closely intertwined, she didn't know where she ended and he begun. _Don't leave, don't ever leave me again._ That must have come from him more than her, because she could feel his mind's tight grip on hers.  
_I would never._ She made sure he could feel how much she needed this, too. _But you need to loosen your grip, you're hurting me._ He let go immediately while she stayed right where she was. And then he was crying again and she could feel a wave of guilt and shame and then he was pulling back.  
_No, no don't. That hurts more._ She could feel that it was hurting him just as much, made him feel just as alone. _You don't have to do this, not with me. Never with me._  
She could feel him shake under her touch. He was shielding her from his pain; she felt like he'd just ripped a part of her out of her head. _Please, please let me in. I promise it's okay._ She was nudging at the walls with a tenderness she'd often used during their first times, when he was nervous or worried and couldn't fully open himself up. It always worked; he gave into her with heavy relief, letting her have him – over and over again. It was outright poetic, almost too much to take. And just enough - just enough to make her want to stay - stay like this until the end of time.

They would have not moved for hours, probably, had they not been interrupted by sudden, harsh steps on the stairs. They shared a moment of shock before they broke their connection, staying loosely entangled – just enough to be able to talk silently. She turned around quickly, shielding his body with hers out of pure instinct, not letting go of his hand.  
Approaching them from the entrance, was the old man she’d met back on earth. He’d stayed behind to protect everyone else, and now she couldn’t even remember his name.  
_Maybe you should ask yourself how much do you really care about those humans._ She heard the Master think.  
_Not now._ She thought angrily, his words hitting a nerve, and focused her attention back on the man.  
“You liar!” He said in a low growl, looking ready for a fight. “We all trusted you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The finale broke my heart. They both needed so much more love, especially from each other.
> 
> Any sort of feedback is highly appreciated; please be critical! xx


	2. 2nd Chapter

The Doctor took a breath to reply, but the words got stuck in her throat. What could she say; she hadn't done what she'd told them she would. And how would she ever explain this? _I love the man who tried to kill us all, please don't hurt him?_ She felt warmth spreading in the Master's head – He'd heard that. She almost smiled, but then she remembered the problem at hand: He was now approaching the gun with big strides. In the blink of an eye, she'd unfrozen her body and got up got up to get there before him. But her mind hadn't fully recovered from being touched so intensely; she felt drowsy and slow and she was - she was too slow. Suddenly the gun was pointed directly at her and she immediately raised her hands above her head.  
"Wait, we can talk about this." She said, trying to bring some of her usual confidence back into her voice.  
"Oh, can we? What have you got to say in your defence, then?" He asked coldly.  
"Look, there's... there's another way to end all of this." She rushed through the words, with no idea of how to continue.  
"I came back to save you, Doctor." He interrupted her. "I was gonna sacrifice myself so _you_ could live. Assuming you would have done the same for us. But really, you're working with the enemy, aren't you?"  
"I..." She stuttered.  
"I surrender." She suddenly heard the Masters voice from behind her. Forgetting the gun, she instantly turned around to him. He'd gotten up from the floor too and was slowly coming toward them with his arms raised as well. He looked like he was clinging onto the last bit of composure he had left, and his voice sounded like it, too. "I'll let you do whatever you want with me; blow up the planet, kill me. But you let her go and that's not a polite request; that's an order."  
"What? No way!" She said immediately.  
"Doctor, no." The Master said, his voice keeping its commanding tone, but softening just the slightest bit. "Please, for once, stay out of it.” He turned back to the man. “It was my plan, so she gets to leave."  
"We're all leaving, we can all leave!" She suddenly threw in in frustration. "You give up your stupid plan and we leave together." She turned to the man again. "And drop you off on earth, in any time you like. Please lower the gun."  
He looked back on forth between them, then more intensely at her. She gave him a pleading look and his eyes softened a little. He was considering it; he might actually do it.

"No." The Master said and when she turned around to him, the look in his eyes was like daggers being born into her chest. "I can't, Doctor. I'm sorry, but I can't."  
Oh, he was doing it again. It was Missy all over again and that had been the exact reason she'd sworn to never trust him again; because she'd known being let down one more time would kill her. And it was, it was killing her and she couldn't breathe.  
_You did nothing wrong. Not then and not now. It's me, it was always me. I will never be good enough for you.  
_But that was different. Because Missy, then, had put up all her mental walls, so when he'd tried to reach her, to ask _why? why can't you?_ he’d gotten nothing but painful silence in return.  
But the Master was listening to her and he was comforting her with tears in his eyes and somehow that almost hurt more, because how could she ever give him up like this?  
She took a deep breath and turned back to the man. "Listen, please, you're clearly in control here, but could you give us just a moment?" He finally nodded and slowly lowered the gun, still keeping a tight grip on it.

The Doctor sighed and breached the distance between her and The Master with a few steps. When she was standing right in front of him, she gently cupped his face with her hands. He closed his eyes, clearly holding back tears, his arms wrapped around his middle.  
"Don't." He whispered. "Please. I just want it to be over."  
"I know, love." She said. "I know it hurts and you think the pain will never stop. But I'm here. I'm here and I'm not leaving without you. Try make me, I won't." He opened his eyes, his lips trembling.  
"Doctor..." he said, adoration and longing dripping from his voice.  
"Master.” She said. “Come with me."  
"I don't know how to..."  
"It’s okay." She smiled. "I'll lead you." She offered him her hand and he hesitated for a moment, before slowly relaxing his arms. Her chest was flooded with waves of relief when he took it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is very short. The next one's almost done, but I started out not organising my chapters well and I'm trying to fix that. So they'll definitely get longer from here on. :)
> 
> All your lovely comments made me really happy, thanks!! xx


	3. 3rd Chapter

The Doctor critically held up a small glass and watched the silver whirlwind it contained move around frantically. The Master was sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall and trying to even out his breathing. She'd extracted the Cyberium from his body using a device that broke up his DNA structure temporarily, making it impossible for anything to cling onto it and then put it in a glass made of the strongest crystal she knew of. She’d never seen anything escape it, but then, she’d never captured an entity such as the Cyberium before, so she could only hope.  
"Throw it into a dying star, what do you think?" She asked, still eyeing up the glass. She only got a pained "Mhm" from the floor. The procedure she’d used wasn’t easy on the body at all and she could only imagine the pain the Master was in right now. She must be insane for how much she hated to see him suffer, with all he’d put her through. But those eyes – no matter what colour they were, sky blue or hazel brown or black as coal, they always outshone every star in the universe. And the way he focused them on her; she could have lived on only that.  
She carefully put the glass down on a table and crouched down beside him.  
"Keep breathing, it will pass." She said, carefully putting a hand on his shoulder. He leaned his head against it just the slightest bit.  
"Please don't leave me." He said quietly. She let her eyes wander over his face. He looked so young.  
"Of course not." She said. "Of course I'm not gonna leave you." How could he even think that?  
"Six months." He whispered, barely audible. "You left me alone for six months and I didn't know where you were and I..." He stopped speaking and pressed his lips together.  
Her throat closed up with guilt. She’d buried that deep in the back of her mind. All the mistakes she’d made with Missy, they didn’t matter anymore, not after she’d left him standing on this deck, as if nothing between them had meant anything.  
"I'm sorry. I’m sorry I did that." She said. "But I'm not gonna lock a single door, this time. You can always come to me; I'll always be there." He tensed up in pain again and leaned his head back against the wall. She ran her hand over his arm.  
"Do you want to lie down?" She asked.  
"No, it's okay." He shook his head and pulled his knees closer to his chest.  
"Really?" She asked again. He nodded:  
"Maybe you should watch the Cyberium."  
“Okay.” She said and let her hand rest on his arm for another moment, before she reluctantly pulled it away.

She did throw it into a dying star, staring at the black nothingness for quite a while afterwards, almost _waiting_ for it to pop back up again.  
“It _is_ a life form, you know.” He’d said to her right before she’d left the room. She’d turned around in disbelief. He looked almost amused. For a second, she wanted to defend herself, but then she remembered: He didn’t see her as a hero – never had.  
“I know.” She said. “It will have a peaceful death.”  
She hoped it would, but mostly, she wanted peace for herself. She deserved to rest.  
She’d dropped off the man from earth – Ko, she’d remembered when he’d agreed to go with them – in his village in the 21stcentury. And the Cybermen on Gallifrey – god, that would give her nightmares for months – should have lost all consciousness with the death of the Cyberium. But of course, she would have to go back to check.  
She turned around with a sigh.  
“One last time, old girl.” She said. She knew the TARDIS hated it just as much as her – having to see Gallifrey again, having to land on the bright brown ash. But she hummed comfortingly, making the Doctor feel a bit less alone.  
Part of her wished she could take the Master with her, if just to remind herself that the best part of home was still with her. But she knew it was hard on him – all of this. And she remembered what it had felt like to have destroyed Gallifrey, it was bad enough when you didn’t have to look at it.  
So she turned a few levers and held onto the console while the coordinates of Gallifrey showed up on the screen in front of her.  
“Please let them be dead.” She whispered as she started approaching the door.  
“You’re visiting home without me? Rude.” She heard a voice from behind her and she could have strangled him and hugged him at the same time.  
“Master.” She said. “You’re not coming.”  
“I’m not letting you go alone.” He said as he came up behind her. She turned around to him, knowing she wouldn’t stand a chance.  
“You sure you’re up to it?” She asked, regarding his pale face and his trembling hands. He rolled his eyes.  
“God, you really care, don’t you?” He asked, his voice sounding a bit too warm to convince her he was actually annoyed.  
“Don’t I keep telling you?” She asked. “But you’ve always been bad at listening.” Before he could say anything in return, she took hold of his hand and continued moving toward the door.

He wasn’t up to it at all. He could barely walk and he was holding her hand just a bit too tight to hide the amount of pain he still was in. But she didn’t say anything, she was too grateful for what he was doing. They slowly walked down the corridor of the Citadel, their steps echoing on the walls.  
“Remember when we stood by that window after we’d pissed off the High Council, awaiting an endless lecture?” He asked, pointing his head at a huge window with orange ornaments.  
“Yeah, you snogged me right up on the academy balcony, where everyone could see.”  
“You led me on.” He said and she couldn’t help thinking about the way she’d kept staring at his lips while he’d talked, almost asking him to break the rules.  
“That’s a lie.” She said with a small grin, slowing down a bit and moving her lips just a little too close to his ear. “You did it completely out of nowhere.”  
“If you don’t stop, I swear to god.” He whispered hoarsely. Oh, how easily she could make him fall apart if she wanted to.  
“I’m not doing anything.” She said innocently and kept walking as if nothing had happened.  
He followed just a step behind, letting her arrive at the door first. He’d always done that when they were walking into an uncertain situation and she’d always accepted it without a word. She slowly pushed open the door, taking a deep breath.  
“If they’re still alive, I’ll use you as a shield.” She said, trying her best not to sound scared. She usually wouldn’t have been, but it was the place and it was him… He’d raised her stakes by a million.  
“You can use me in any way you want.” He said lowly while he passed through the door after her.  
_Stop flirting, you can barely stand._ She shot back.  
_Oh, if you insist, I think I could stand..._ This was getting out of hand, she could hardly focus on what they were doing anymore. She did her best to push the image of him against the wall out of her head while they rounded the corner to the stairs of the main room. Her hearts sped up when she let her eyes move down to where all the Cybermen had stood right before they’d left. But they weren’t standing anymore; they were all lying on the ground, looking like nothing more than broken machines. She let out a small sigh of relief.  
“I need to go and make sure.” She said, looking up at him.  
“Give me your sonic, I’ll go.” He said, trying and failing completely to sound brave.  
“Oh, no, you are not walking down these stairs alone.” She objected.  
“You just don’t trust me with your sonic.” He said, giving her a fake-insulted look. She rolled her eyes and wondered how she would have survived this without him.  
They both went downstairs. She scanned the bodies with shaky hands, trying her hardest not to think about what they’d been before. No brain activity – they were gone.  
“Did it work?” He asked, helping her up from the ground. She nodded and let her eyes wander around the room. She should be more relieved, shouldn’t she? But somehow, she only felt empty.  
“Can we…” She started quietly. “Can we go up to that balcony before we leave?” He softly put a hand under her chin and turned her head so she was looking directly at him again.  
_I was worried you wouldn’t ask._

It would have been a beautiful evening on Gallifrey: The suns were setting behind the mountains like rivers of gold and the air was moving around them in a warm breeze, lightly stroking their skin as they walked out onto the balcony, high up above the city. She stepped up to the edge and rested her forearms on the railing. He came up beside her and gently tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.  
“You should really sort that out, you know? How can you even see anything?”  
“Last time we were here I had short hair.” She mused.  
“Yeah, you were all curls and freckles.” He smiled. “And just as beautiful.” One of her hearts skipped a beat.  
“Haven’t been called that in a long time.” She said quietly.  
“How long?” She could hear the jealousy seeping from his voice.  
_Since the last time you said it, of course._ She replied with a small grin. His face immediately softened again and he turned to look out at the mountains.  
_I’m sorry._ She suddenly heard him say. She hadn’t realised up until that moment how close to crying she was.  
_Don’t say that._ She returned. _I’m not angry at you._ And it was true, she wasn’t. She was just so endlessly heartbroken.  
He moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She didn’t bother trying to keep it together; the tears started rolling down her face as soon as he touched her.  
_It’s okay, I’m here._ She heard his voice in her head. She let out a watery laugh. That shouldn’t make it okay, should it? And yet, it did. She put her hands on his arms and leaned back against him, feeling his warm breath against her neck. Ages had passed since they’d kissed up here. Planets had burned, wars had been fought and vows had been broken. But after all this time, he was still standing here with her; after all this time, they were still home to each other.

\---

Yaz was sitting on the grass when the Doctor's TARDIS materialised just a few meters away from her. She blinked rapidly against the sunlight, not quite believing her eyes.  
"Ryan, Graham!" She called as she quickly got up, not taking her eyes off the blue box for a second.  
"What is it?" Graham asked from the distance.  
"Oh, she's kidding." Ryan said as he came up beside her. Yaz couldn't do anything but smile. When the door finally opened, and the Doctor stumbled out without a scratch on her body, she immediately ran up to her.  
"Doctor, you're alive, you're okay." She said, just barely containing the urge to pull her into a tight hug.  
"Yaz." The Doctor said with a small smile. "My fam." She added when Ryan and Graham had caught up.  
"Are you really okay?" Graham asked worriedly. The Doctor looked at each of them individually. How was she even supposed to answer that?  
"Yeah, alive and well." She finally said and smiled a bit wider. One last time; she could pretend one last time.  
"But how did you... what happened?" Ryan asked and oh, she'd tried to brace herself for that question, but her face still fell and she could see it in their eyes – there was no point in trying, now.  
"Are the others all okay?" She asked, hoping to buy a little bit of time.  
"They're fine, why are you avoiding the question?" Yaz asked, fixing her with her attentive gaze.  
Her Yaz, she'd always been so bright; so quick. She'd reminded her of Rose sometimes - made for the life in the TARDIS, not ready to give it up for anything. "Doctor?" She asked again. The Doctor sighed and let her eyes move across the sky, before focusing them back on the people in front of her.  
"I told you that the Master and I... Were friends once, right?" They all slowly nodded. "Well, this is hard to explain. A lot has happened between us, and I’ve always really cared for him. And I kind of... have him with me now?" Her voice got slower toward the end as she tried to gauge from their expression whether they already wanted to kill her. They all looked at her in complete confusion. Yaz was the first to speak:  
"Well, why... How did you convince him not to... To not follow through with whatever he had planned?" The Doctor took a deep breath.  
"I told him... Something he forgets, sometimes." She crossed her arms in front of her chest. She was not making any sense to them, surely. "I'm sorry, I wish I could explain it better, but it's sort of... really private."  
“Oh, isn’t everything?” Ryan asked, sounding frustrated.  
“Ryan.” Graham said in a calming tone.  
“No, I’m done with it! We gave our whole lives to you and you never tell us anything. What were we to you? Pets?” She wanted to tell him he was wrong so badly. But what could she say, really? She hadn’t treated with enough respect, she knew that.  
“Ryan, come on, that’s enough, she’d been through a lot.” Graham said.  
“And what about us?” Ryan threw in. “We almost died. Because of her!”  
“Okay, wait, that’s not fair.” Graham gave back.  
“Doctor.” Yaz interrupted the others. She was the only one still looking directly at her. “Can we go talk alone for a minute? No fighting.” She quickly gave the other two a look that made them immediately shut up. The Doctor nodded gratefully.

They went off into the shade of a nearby tree. It felt wrong to bring Yaz back into her TARDIS, when she knew she was gonna leave her.  
They both quietly looked over the field for a moment. She was a little jealous of Yaz: She had this wonderful planet. With the blue sky and the green grass and the flowers and forests and birds… And she didn’t have to say goodbye to it.  
“You know I have a little sister.” Yaz started and the Doctor turned around to her in surprise. How did that have anything to do with the situation? “I got the impression that you and the Master might be a little more than friends, so this might seem like a bad comparison, but bear with me.” The Doctor nodded for her to continue. “When I was younger, I had some really bad times. I felt alone and misunderstood and I was quite hard on myself. And it made me cruel. I was a horrible person, Doctor, I really was.” Yaz’ eyes got a little glassy when she stopped speaking for a moment and the Doctor suddenly regretted never telling her just how amazing she was.  
“My sister… She was always there for me, she tried her best to show me I was loved. And I acted like a complete… I wasn’t nice to her. I said some proper mean things and that know I really, really hurt her. But ehm…” Her lips moved up into a smile. “She never gave up on me and she was never mad at me. Well, not for long, anyway.” At that the Doctor joined into her smile. “What I’m trying to say… Family, real family – blood or not – always comes first. And you always help them when they need you, no matter if they deserve it or not.” Maybe she _should_ have talked to Yaz more, the Doctor thought. And she should have looked at that face more often. Those sharp eyes, that daring smile.  
And then she decided she didn’t care right now; about the distance she’d thought she needed to keep. Maybe Yaz wasn’t as far away as she thought anyway. She took a step closer and pulled her into a hug, which was immediately returned. And oh no, she _liked_ that in this body. That had been her fear.  
“You met me at an unlucky time.” She said, resting her head on Yaz’ shoulder. “I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay.” Yaz said when they parted. “There were lots of good days, too. And I hope you have many more – you and him.”  
“Thank you, Yaz. I hope you do, too.” She smiled.  
“One other thing, Doctor.” Yaz said. She looked at her expectantly. “I know you’re Time Lords and you probably don’t like being talked to like humans, but ehm… I feel like you could really use a good therapist – both of you.” She wanted to laugh, because Yaz was so right. Oh, she wished she weren’t right, but she was. And how could she have thought, all those years ago, that _she_ could give Missy therapy?  
“Yeah, you might be right.” She said. “I’ll really miss you, Yaz.”  
“You can always stop by for tea, you know.” Yaz said. “If I’m home, that is. I think I need to see a little more of the world.” Oh, of course she did.  
“Please do. I’ll have tea with you anywhere, just send me your coordinates.” She grinned. “And send some photos.”  
“I will.” Yaz smiled. There was a moment of peaceful silence between them.  
“Do you think Ryan will have calmed down by now?” Yaz then asked. The Doctor sighed.  
“Let’s go see.” She said and took a last breath of fresh summer air before they started making their way back over to where their friends stood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave feedback if you feel like it. You can be critical. x  
> Have a lovely weekend. xx


	4. 4th Chapter

“Do your humans still love you?” The Master asked with a sarcastic smirk, when she returned to the TARDIS. He was sitting on the stairs that led down to the console room, looking a bit more like his old self again. She couldn’t help but smile a little, too. He would never understand her love for this species; the comfort she’d found in their company.  
“They don’t hate me.” She replied while she joined him on the stairs. It was the truth, although quite a simplification of it: Ryan had forgiven her, in the end, but she could see that he wasn’t satisfied with her apology at all. Graham had looked a little disappointed, but she’d always got the impression from him that he had too much life experience to waste time on being bitter. Funny, she thought, when she regarded the Master and herself. Shouldn’t they be wise enough by now?  
Yaz had been too good for her, she knew that. And she was sad about leaving her, but not nearly sad enough to do her justice.  
“But they never knew me.” She added quietly.  
“Does anyone?” His humorous tone almost managed to cover up how hurt he sounded.  
“Don’t be stupid.” She said, shifting closer so she could lean her head on his shoulder. “You were always there; for everything that mattered. Whenever I lose myself, I remember you.”  
He didn’t say anything to that, but she could hear from the way his breathing changed that he was close to tears.  
“I mean it.” She said and tightly interlocked their hands in his lab. “Before I was anything, I was your friend.”  
“You’re…” His voice was wavering. “You’re the centre of my universe – all I ever cared about. And no one saw you the way I did. I was the only one who knew… how special you were. I couldn’t bear the idea of sharing that with anyone else. With all those _abominations_ that abused you and lied to you. You’re _mine_. Mine to hurt and mine to love.” She let out an exhausted breath. She saw what he meant, but that wasn’t an excuse to kill thousands of people and burn an entire planet. And she needed to tell him that. But not right now.  
“Come to bed with me.” She whispered, looking up at him with need in her eyes.

He didn’t hesitate for a second. He tightened his hold on her hand and pulled her up with him, keeping her close enough for their bodies to touch. Desire spread evenly from her chest down into her legs, collecting right at the centre of her body, making her lungs empty and her knees weak. And by the way he was looking at her, he was feeling exactly the same.

She led him up the stairs and into her bedroom where she gently pushed him onto the bed. He showed absolutely no resistance; she could have done anything to him.  
Coming up right in front of him, she put one knee beside him on the bed and let her body sink against his, resting her arms on his shoulders. He caught her with one hand on her back and the other on her hip; she could see in his eyes how much he was restraining himself from greedily pulling her closer.  
_Do you remember how it feels, to have me inside you?_ She asked into his mind, pressing down on him just for a second and pulling back again immediately. His breath hitched as he tightened his grip on her hip. He nodded quickly.  
_Can’t hear you, love._ Oh, the way he looked at her; she could have lost it right then.  
_Yes, I remember._ He replied. His thoughts were rushing through her head at lightspeed. The fact that he managed to be coherent at all impressed her. She slowly ran her fingers along the back of his neck with a sly grin.  
_And do you remember how I tasted?_  
“Y- Yes.” He stuttered, completely forgetting that he didn’t need to talk out loud. Touching him there had always turned him into an absolute mess. She let her hand rest where it was and closed her eyes to focus on the feeling of his skin on her palm before she bent down and began kissing his neck and his collarbones, lightly at first, then sucking and biting down on his skin hard enough to draw blood. He groaned in pleasure, leaning his head back to give her better access.  
_Still like that, huh?_ She grinned. He didn’t reply, but she could clearly feel the answer, pressing against her leg. When she abruptly moved away from his neck, he sucked in a sharp breath.  
_No, please._ She could see from the look in his eyes that it had escaped him before he could think about it and she chuckled lowly while she continued caressing the back of his neck.  
_You don’t have to_ beg _, you know. I’m full of mercy._ He gave her an absolute death glare, that she could absolutely not take seriously with how glassy his eyes were. She grabbed his chin with her other hand and pulled him into a hungry kiss, letting the tension in her body subside for a moment because it was so familiar and soothing and _good_ and all the wonders she’d seen travelling the stars were _nothing_ compared to this.  
_You’re the centre of my universe too._ She hadn’t planned to think it, but god, it felt right. He sighed into the kiss and she lightly bit down on his lip before forcing herself to draw back to let her hand glide up to his cheek and move her thumb across his slightly parted lips.

She let go of him all at once and stood up straight again, taking a step back; his hands followed her until she was out of reach. Then she took off her coat painfully slowly, not breaking eye contact with him for a second as he dug his hands into the sheets beside him and bit down hard on his lip.  
Once she had stripped off her coat and let it drop to the floor, she nudged each of her suspenders off her shoulders individually and then teasingly turned to her shoes before so much as opening her trousers. His breathing had quickened and his pupils were big enough to make his eyes look completely black. She did hate to see him suffer, but this, she enjoyed almost too much for her own good.  
When her feet were bare, she finally turned to unbutton her trousers and let them drop from her legs to the floor, so she could easily step out of them, back into his reach.

His hands were _shaking_ when he touched the rim of her panties and began sliding them down her legs; her skin caught fire everywhere he touched her. When he arrived at her knees, she freed her legs with a skilled movement and kicked her panties away with the same step she took to let herself fall against his mouth.  
For a moment, she was sure she’d never need to breathe again, if he just didn’t stop. God, he was _good_ at this.  
_I know I am._ Came his instant reply. She hadn’t meant for him to hear her, put how did one put up mental walls again? She’d forgotten everything she’d ever learned in a matter of seconds. How was he so good at this, had he been with someone else?  
_Now don’t get jealous, love, you’re forgetting something vital._ What was she… Oh, _oh_ , of course. He had been a girl, too. And how proud Missy had been of her body and how well she’d known what she needed from him. It had been like playing the same song on a different instrument, burying herself in this female form that was so different but still so familiar. It was always the same: Whenever the Master’s legs were wrapped around the Doctors body, they were back in the grass on the that hill right up from the city, sharing each other’s innocence in the slowly cooling summer air.  
_Stop thinking about that, you’re driving me insane._ She would have laughed, had she not been so busy moaning instead of screaming.  
_Thought you already were._ She managed to get out in between shallow breaths. He slowed down for a second, making her almost regret it, but then he did this _thing_ with his lips and his tongue – she had no idea what it was, she hadn’t even known it was possible – and she _did_ scream because in an instant she was right at the edge and there was nothing, nothing but him and her and his tongue between her legs. She came with a long moan, her hands buried in his hair. He continued lightly stroking her while she caught her breath, her vision only slowly going from pitch black back to normal.

Her patience was gone, after that. She pinned his body down onto the bed and kissed him until she couldn’t taste herself anymore. Then she pulled him back up with her to nearly _rip_ his shirt off and added a few bruises to his upper chest before she slipped out of her own shirt. She let him kiss her breasts and her neck for a moment, then joined their mouths again, sucking and biting down on his lips so hard he actually _whimpered_ in pain.  
_Lie down._ He obliged without hesitation, letting go of her neck to let himself fall back into the sheets. When she moved her hands to his trousers, only slightly brushing against the skin right under his stomach, he took a breath that sounded like he was suffocating.  
“Shh.” She whispered, while she slowed her pace to open his trousers. She wondered how long it had been since he’d been touched like this. Had she ever been this gentle with Missy, or had she been too angry and stubborn? She softly kissed his hipbones while she began to pull down his trousers and his boxers and then stripped his feet bare to slide them off his legs completely.  
When she moved back up, he reached his hand out to her like he was drowning. She took it in hers and moved her face closer to his, cupping his cheek with her other hand.  
_What’s wrong, love?_ He closed his eyes and took a shaky breath; she stroked his hand with her thumb until his breathing calmed and he opened his eyes right into hers.  
_Will you tie me up?_ He looked so vulnerable when he asked, she could barely tell him apart from the boy that lay under her in the grass, gazing up at her out of deep green eyes.  
_Of course._ She replied and let her hand travel down to his neck. _With the tie I used to wear?_ He shuddered and drew up one leg so it was touching her hip, then nodded quickly.  
She chastely kissed his mouth and his neck before she got up, brushing against all his sensitive spots in the process, and began making her way over to her closet.

When she turned back around, he was sitting up, leaning back on his elbows, regarding her with an expression that could only be described as pure fascination. The realisation that she had him like that, this stunning, breath-taking person, never failed to hit her with a gush of pride.  
She walked back to the bed, holding the tie she’d worn three incarnations ago, when they’d been too busy fighting to even so much as _kiss_ , in one hand and a dildo in the other. She’d never used it before, in fact, she hadn’t even _had_ it until shortly after Jack had accidentally met up with her fam and found out she was a woman now. He’d sent it to her as a gift, to one of the hotels they stayed at a few days later – god knows how he’d managed to do that. _Might be useful to you now, I’ll try it out with you any time. x_ A small note attached to the red box had said. She’d opened it in secret, of course, and despite rolling her eyes all the way to the back of her head when she discovered what it was, she couldn’t suppress a fond smile. What an experience, knowing Jack Harkness.

She carefully put the dildo down on the nightstand when she came back to the bed and instead took the tie in both her hands while sitting down on the edge. And of course, the Master had no idea where to look, his eyes constantly flying back and forth between her hands and the nightstand. She leaned her body sideways into his vision, so she was completely covering his view and waited for his eyes to focus back on her before she moved her eyes up to the headboard. His gaze lingered on her while he shifted to rest his head on the pillow, turning it sideways to look at her. She drank in the sight of him, lying stretched out before her like that and then leaned down to kiss him eagerly with her hand cupping his chin while she moved to sit on top of him. He let out a soft moan because, oh right, she was touching him _there_. She purposely leaned all of her weight onto where she was sitting, running her nails down his chest, making him press his eyes shut in pleasure.  
_Arms above your head._ She knew how much he struggled to follow orders while she was doing something like this; she adored the expression on his face when he had to.  
She caught his wrists in the air and pressed them back against the headboard to fasten them with the tie, tying the knot just close enough to hurt him only if he’d struggle. She could barely keep her hands steady, thinking of the kinds of locks and chains he could break without betting an eyelash; and still he’d never even _think_ of trying to escape from this simple tie, just because it was hers, just because it was her who’d tied it around his wrists.  
  
She reached over to her drawer to get out a bottle of lube and pressed some of it onto her hand, not moving from her position while she distributed it on her fingers. He swallowed hard while he watched her, his eyes glued to her hands. She took her time, watching his face gradually turn from excitement to close desperation. And she could _feel_ it, too; he wasn’t trying to hide it at all.  
Right when he looked like he couldn’t take it anymore, she moved down in between his legs, pushing them apart with her own. He pressed his head back against the pillow before she even touched him, breathing heavily.  
_I’ll be careful; you haven’t done this in a while._ He gave her a frustrated groan. _Or have you?_ She asked, turning her tone darker.  
_No._ He immediately replied as his eyes shot back open. _No, no I haven’t. Please, I need you to…_  
_Okay, okay, breathe._ She gave him an amused smile. His breathing slowed a bit, but his legs were still trembling. She planted kisses down both his things and rested one hand on his hip before she moved a finger into him in a practiced motion. He moaned quietly with his eyes closed and his lips slightly parted. The picture made her hearts beat twice as fast.  
She waited until she could feel him relax around her, then added a second finger. He sucked in a low breath and pulled on his restraints hard. That would leave marks, she was sure. She moved her fingers slowly, revelling in his moans and the way his body arched up whenever she hit the right spot. Then she grabbed the lube from beside him and let the cold liquid drip right where her fingers were joined with him. He let out a high-pitched sound that almost made her laugh with joy. She could have done this all day.  
She pulled her fingers out almost all the way to pick up the liquid and then carefully pushed them back in, adding a third one. The noise he made was close to a scream.  
_Am I hurting you?_ She asked, keeping her hand still for a second.  
_You never could. Please don’t stop._ His mind was so tender and full of trust, she almost forgot what she was doing.  
She kissed his thigh again, this time leaving a slight mark with her teeth, and then began gradually pushing into him harder.  
  
After about a minute, he was panting, pulling his wrists away from the headboard so hard, she thought they must be bleeding. She slowed down and moved her hand from his hip up to his waist. He looked at her like he didn’t know where he was.  
_How close are you?_ He blinked a few times before he replied.  
_If you keep moving…_ She instantly stopped. He let out a shaky breath.  
_Get it together, I’m not done with you._ He nodded, looking almost apologetic and she would have felt sorry for being harsh, had she not loved the way it made his eyes glisten so much.  
She waited for his breathing to even out before she slowly pulled out her fingers. He whimpered softly, digging his nails into his palms. As soon as her hand was free, she moved up to his face and kissed him softly. He barely kissed back, sighing in exhaustion.  
_I love you._ She thought as she let her tongue run over his lip. _I’ve never loved anyone but you.  
_She continued kissing him, on his lips and down his neck, until he was relaxing under her again and his arms were lying still on the pillow beside his head. Then she sat up to reach over to the nightstand.

He didn’t move a muscle while she strapped the dildo around her hips, his gaze closely following each of her movements. Jack had known what he was doing (honestly, she shouldn’t have been surprised), the dildo was pressing against her in exactly all the right places and the mere thought of how what she was about to do would feel sent shivers down her spine.  
She took the lube with her when she moved back in between his legs. He opened them wide for her, drawing up his knees and arching his hips toward her. With a teasing smile, she used one hand to apply lube around the dildo while rubbing more on him with the other, making him bite his lip in anticipation.

When she sank into him, she thought she might pass out from the sensation – Or was that him, echoing in her mind? The way his legs were pressed against her hips, the _noise_ he made and feeling of being so close to him again; she never wanted it to end.  
She put one hand on his upper thigh, the other on his waist and went as slow as she could, savouring every second; every thrust, while she watched him unravel beneath her.  
His whole body was covered in sweat, as was hers and he was leaning his head back perfectly for her to admire all the bruises and bites she’d left on his neck and chest. She thrust deep quickly all at once, moving her hand from his hip up to his neck to firmly press her fingers against both sides of his throat. He opened his eyes wide and from the way he looked at her, she knew she could have chocked him to death right then and he wouldn’t have cared. She continued moving inside him while she held him down, taking in the sight of him catching quick shallow breaths at each thrust.  
Right before she released him, she tightened her grip enough to make it impossible for him to breathe; with the way his whole body tensed up, she was sure he would have come right then had she not let go immediately. She ran her fingers over his mouth, letting them slide in when he tried to catch them with his lips and while he was lightly sucking on them, she thrust deep again, making him bite down with a strangled moan. She chuckled breathlessly and pulled her hand back, stopping to rest in him for a moment, gently running her nails along his jawline. His eyes fluttered open to look up at her.  
_Doctor._ His voice sounded longingly in her head. She recognised that tone instantly.  
_Do you want me to untie you?_ He nodded gratefully. She pushed his hips up a bit more so she could reach above his head without pulling out of him, then easily untied her knot with two fingers and let the tie slide off his wrists. They _were_ bleeding, she’d have to take care of that later.  
He immediately moved his hands up to her face and the back of her neck and she leaned down to kiss him, still barely moving, letting him run his fingers all over her body, from her shoulder blades down to her thighs and back up to her lower back. When she pulled back and thrust into him again, he stopped in his movement to tightly hold onto her back as he threw his head back against the pillow.  
She was careful not to go too fast; she knew how close he must be by now. Supporting her own weight with one arm and holding onto his hip with the other, she sucked tenderly on his neck again before she turned up to look at him. His eyes were completely lost in hers while his breath quickened with every movement she made.

When she could feel he was right at the edge, she pulled out just slowly enough to keep him there and grabbed his chin with her hand to hold his head in place. Then she sank back into him and watched his face completely fall apart as his orgasm shook through his body. He dug his fingers into her back and pressed his legs into her side with a strangled cry, pulling her right over with him, making her moan deeply while she let her head drop against his shoulder.  
  
She lost all sense of time and space while they lay there, resting against each other, catching their breath with their minds buried deep within each other.  
The first thing she noticed when she slowly came back to reality was his cold, damp skin against her forehead and his warm hands peacefully resting on the small of her back. She began kissing him from his collarbone, along his neck, up to his mouth, opening her eyes right before she reached his lips. He gave her a tired smile, moving one hand away from her back to brush her hair behind her ear. She chuckled silently and bent down to kiss him, tenderly interlocking their hands next to his head.

When she began slightly moving up her body, his hand slipped back up to her shoulder-blades, holding her in place. She grinned into the kiss.  
“You need to let me _go_.” She whispered, giving his hand a light squeeze. He looked so innocently disappointed while he slowly relaxed his grip, she almost felt guilty.  
She brushed her lips against his one more time before she lifted up her body and slowly straightened her back, taking his hand with her to softly kiss his fingers once she was kneeling between his legs. Then she slowly pulled out of him, making his breath hitch low in his throat.

He lazily blinked up at her while she was undoing her straps, breathing calmly through his nose. As soon as her hands were free, she used one to frame his hipbone and traced the other up his stomach.  
“Oh, look at the mess you’ve made.” She teased, regarding the white liquid that was now covering her fingers, before licking it off with a fond smirk. “Do I always have to clean up after you?” His eyes suddenly turned from hazy fog to burning crystal and he gave her no warning before he sat up and flipped her onto her back with a firm grip, coming down above her and straddling her arms on the pillow. She laughed in delight as she wrapped one leg around him.  
“What are you doing, you’re getting it all over _me_ now. We’ll have to change all the sheets because of you.”  
“Do you know, how many times I’ve woken up with your cum still dripping down my legs hours after you’d left?” He roared, giving her this threatening glare that she enjoyed way too much to take it seriously. She relaxed her face and forced herself to look apologetic.  
“I’m sorry, please forgive me, _Master_.” She cooed, supressing a grin when he immediately loosened his grip and pulled her into a hungry kiss. She freed her hands to wrap them around the back of his neck, lightly caressing his skin with her nails.  
“Say it again.” He breathed in between kisses.  
“Master.” She repeated while he kissed her down her neck. “Master, _Master_.” Like this, she could have kept saying all night.

She crawled into bed next to him after returning from the bathroom. He was lying on his side, barely keeping his eyes open.  
“We should go somewhere nice.” She mumbled as she wrapped an arm around his middle and tangled their legs under the blanket.  
“Not earth.” He whispered sleepily, pulling her closer with an arm around her shoulders. She chuckled quietly, drawing her fingers up and down his back.  
“Other planets have nice beaches too.” She smiled before she let her eyes slowly fall shut against the half-dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone said on Tumblr that they were getting strong 'Dom in the streets, Sub in the sheets'-vibes from Dhawan!Master and honestly, I couldn't agree more. :p
> 
> I tried to make this as accurate as possible, although I have never done this exact thing before.  
> But, children, whatever you do in the bedroom, no matter how kinky, it should always be with someone you feel comfortable with. I know I'm lecturing, but this is important. :)
> 
> Also, this is not going to turn into Fifty Shades of Grey, I promise, there will be more plot than sex.  
> Thanks for reading and commenting and have a nice Sunday! xx


	5. 5th Chapter

The Doctor was leaning against the shower wall with the Master’s body firmly pressed against hers. She smiled in delight as he moved his fingers in between her legs while softly kissing her neck. They were both still covered in sand in various places; she had been well aware when they’d entered the shower together that it wouldn’t be the most effective way to end up clean. But it felt so good, tracing the remains of sand on his shoulder blades, tasting the salt on his skin. For the first time in ages, she was in a beautiful place and didn’t feel like she had to run through it, letting all the impressions pass her by without ever taking them in. It was like she’d forgotten what it felt like to exist until the moment she’d sat down on the ground of the citadel with him, and now it was all coming back to her in a rush of sounds and tastes and memories.

“Do you remember the last time I took you standing up?” He asked, his lips brushing against her ear.

“How could I forget?” She replied breathlessly, moving her hand down to his lower back. And indeed, how _could_ she forget? They’d both got completely drunk at this boring academy celebration and ended up making out against the wall in an empty hallway. And before the Doctor knew it, his legs were wrapped around the Master, who was buried deep within him.  
Then they’d heard voices close by and the Master had put his finger on the Doctor’s lips to shush him while he’d _purposely_ continued moving. She could have killed him (and she certainly would have, had she not loved him so much).

“Imagine if we’d been caught; I think they would have suspended us forever.” He smiled. She laughed quietly.

“Yes, and it would have been your fault.”

“I wasn’t the one who couldn’t keep quiet.” He roared before he thrust into her without any warning, making her moan in surprise as she wrapped her legs around him and held onto his shoulders.  
“Oh, you little bitch.” She hissed, suppressing another moan to bite down hard on his neck. He chuckled into the pain while he continued pushing her against the wall with his hips.  
  
  
“I still think this is completely unnecessary.” She muttered, letting her gaze drift to the mirror on the wall.

“Would you stop moving your head every two seconds; you’re going to ruin it.” He scolded in a focused tone. She rolled her eyes and forced herself to turn back to the window, where half a sun was slowly setting behind the dark purple sea. She’d regretted agreeing to let him braid her hair the second she’d realised she’d have to sit still for more than a minute. She didn’t care about it anyway: then it was moving into her face a little, so what? Not everyone could be as fancy and extra as him all with the huge Victorian dresses and the pinned-up hair.

“You know I can still hear you, right?” He said lowly and pulled on the strand hair he was holding just a little too hard.  
“You wouldn’t if I didn’t want you to.” She shrugged. “No need to get all rough, I always liked your hair. And your dresses.” He chuckled as he picked up the next strand.  
“Maybe I’ll wear one for you again sometime.” He cooed. “If you ask nicely.” She reatrained herself from shaking her head as a smile formed on her lips.  
“Will you be done soon?”

It took another minute (that felt like at least ten) until he finally let go of her hair. She only noticed then how nice it had felt to have his fingers constantly brush through it.

“I look like a schoolgirl.” She said, when she turned to see her reflection. Half her hair was tied into an elegant, complex-looking braid that came down on the back of her head, loosely connecting to the part of her hair that was still down. “A schoolgirl who never skips class.” He came up behind her, holding his head right beside hers.

“Just say you’re impressed.” He said as he leaned down to softly kiss her neck. “And I think if I can fool you into believing I’m an innocent little human for years, you can pull off the schoolgirl for one evening.” She instantly turned around to push him onto the bed with her hand against his chest.

“Careful.” She hissed. “I can still make you regret that.”

“Oh, please do.” He roared with a challenging grin. She moved her hand up a little, stopping just before she reached his neck.  
“Alright, let’s leave.” She then announced and got up from the bed in a swift motion. She could hear him breathing heavily behind her while she put on her coat and suppressed a satisfied smirk as she caught another glimpse of herself in the mirror. Looking all tame might not even be that bad – it made it all the more fun to remind him that she was anything but.  
  
  
Their hotel was built up on a hill, overlooking a small town right by the sea. All the land on Floraison was what humans would have probably called islands – the Doctor wondered if she would she ever stop comparing every planet to earth – and most inhabitants never left the place they were born in. Which was fair:  
Floraison had never known war or major crises. And although the ways in which the governments had avoided ever being attacked by another civilisation were questionable, they truly had created a Utopia of sorts – making their planet a place of refugee to all kinds of species: Thousands of people who knew all too well what loss felt like. So most of them didn't really care about how they looked or who they were; they were all just glad to still be alive; and every evening was a bitter-sweet celebration of freedom.

They Master and the Doctor started out walking down all the narrow, cobbled stairs that led down the hill at a leisurely pace. Which they kept up, until the Master “happened to” pass the Doctor while rounding a corner. She passed him in the next one, of course, taking a step that was very obviously longer than all the ones before. She could barely take another one before the Master shoved her out the way and began walking faster. And as soon as she’d recovered from almost falling over, she caught up to do the same to him.

Suddenly they were running as fast as they could, constantly bumping into each other. At least until the Doctor jumped down about five steps at once and ended up far enough ahead of him to outrun him with ease.

They were both out of breath when they met at the bottom; she leaned with her back against a low wall and he braced himself on it with one hand, holding onto his side with the other. It took her only one look at him to break out into gleeful laughter. He looked up at her darkly, his lips twitching as he suppressed a smile.

“Can’t believe you would still challenge me to a race, after all the times I’ve won. Never learn, do you?” She asked once she’d calmed down. His lips moved up into an amused smile as he crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned against the wall next to her, his breathing slowly evening out.

“Maybe I don’t.” He said, looking out at the small waves peacefully cascading over the white sand. “Or maybe I just like losing to you.” She gave him a quick side glance, but he’d already pushed himself off the wall to continue walking.

“Are you coming?” He asked, when she didn’t move to follow him and turned around to extend his hand toward her.  
“Yeah.” She said, forcing herself to stop getting lost in how beautiful he looked against the blood pink sky.  
  
  
The town was packed with people, music and laughter.  
Had the Doctor been with her Fam, she would have instantly started jumping through the streets, babbling about how amazing a place this was. But it was different with the Master; she couldn’t have pretended if she’d wanted to. And he looked beaten too, as they navigated down the street through all the groups of people sitting on the ground, so she put the hand that wasn’t already interlocked with his on his upper arm and moved in closer, trying comfort herself as much as him.  
  
Like that, they made their way into an alleyway and up a marble staircase onto a wide rooftop that was drenched in low light and the smell of flowery perfumes. A waitress in a long red dress greeted them with a cheerful smile and showed them to a table with an easy swing in her step.  
“Where are you guys from?” She asked in a chattery tone while lighting a candle between them. The Doctor had never liked that question, but she hadn’t been prepared for how it would feel _now_. Her eyes involuntarily snapped up at the Master, whose eyes had frozen on the waitress’ hand.

“That’s none of your business.” He suddenly snapped at her, making her take a small step back with the glare he gave her her.  
“Oh, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to…”

“We’re from Gallifrey.” The Doctor interrupted giving the waitress a reassuring smile. “We’re both from Gallifrey.” She let her eyes wander back to the Master who was looking at her like she’d just slapped him across the face.  
“Oh.” The waitress said and hovered where she stood. Poor girl; she must be completely confused now. “Okay. I’ll bring you a menu.” She almost ran when she left.

“You didn’t need to be so rude to her.” The Doctor said, trying to keep her voice down.  
“You didn’t need to lie.” The Master replied without missing a beat.  
  
  
It was oddly silent between them, after that. Not just they-didn’t-talk silent; she-heard-none-of-his-thoughts silent. He hadn’t completely shut her out, she could have listened into his mind if she’d wanted to, but he was so obviously uncomfortable, it would have felt wrong to do it.

“Would you like to know? Where you’re actually from?” He suddenly asked, completely abandoning the food he had barely touched anyway. She stopped in her movements and looked up at him, her face turning sympathetic when she saw the look in his eyes. She reached to touch his hand across the table, but he instantly pulled it away. _Great._ She thought. _Here we go again._  
She gave him a half-pleading look; he didn’t move a muscle. After a moment, she gave it up and instead took a deep breath to reply:

“No, I don’t think so. I never felt like I belonged anywhere anyway. So what difference would it make?” He was quiet for a moment and started to play with the wax of the candle between them.

“Maybe if you knew…” He’d said, carefully folding over a piece of wax. “Maybe then you _would_ feel like you belong.” His fingers were way too close to the flame for her liking. She debated pushing them away, but she didn’t want to make him retreat any more, so she simply blew it out. His eyes snapped up at her as if he’d only just remembered she was there.

“Is that what you’re scared of?” She asked, fixing his eyes with hers. “That I wouldn’t belong to you anymore, because I’d have somewhere else to call home?” His face froze before his gaze drifted to somewhere behind her, getting lost in the distance.  
“Could you look at me?” She demanded softly. He didn’t react, making her hearts drop in her chest. One moment he was right there with her, and all of a sudden, he was fading from her like sand running through her fingers. In all those years, she’d never figured out how to get hold of him.  
“Look at me!” She repeated in a more commanding tone, unable to hide her frustration any longer. He flinched, ever so slightly, and when he finally turned back to her, his eyes had turned hard.

“You know everything, don’t you?” He hissed. “You know exactly what’s going on in my head.”

“No, no I don’t!” She looked around the restaurant, as if there were anyone who could tell her what to say. How were all these people talking without fighting? And why did she always feel like _she’d_ started the fight? “I don’t know what to do with you. I always do it wrong, don’t I? I always make it worse.” She finally admitted, all the times he’d pushed her away painfully running through her mind.

“You don’t know _what to do with me_?” Oh, that had come out wrong. She wanted nothing more than to go back in time and stop herself from saying it. “There we go. The Doctor; he can fix _everything_. Except me. I’m the only problem you could never solve; that’s why you can’t let me go, isn’t it?”  
“What, no!” How had this happened? He had smiled at her like she was all he needed less than an hour ago. “I love you and I want to help you. Because it _kills_ me to see you like this.”

“Like what?” His voice had got louder and all affection she’d got used without even noticing was completely gone from it. “Not behaving the way you’d like me to? Not ready to be your little sex toy; make your days less lonely and your nights all warm and sweet?” She had to swallow hard to push down the lump in her throat; how could he bring _that_ into this? Suddenly she wished he’d never seen her naked.

“You don’t get what I’m trying to say.” She desperately shook her head.

“Oh, no, I get it. You fucked me senseless and now I’m back to being your project.” His voice started faltering toward the end; he took a deep breath before he continued. “But you know what? I’m done. I’m done _feeling_ like this. Like I’ll never be good enough.” He got up before she could even attempt to say anything else. She instantly moved to stop him.  
“Master, wait, please.”  
“Don’t you dare come near me.” He hissed. “I wish I’d never let you touch me.” Those words hit her in exactly the right way to glue her to her chair, unable to follow him as he disappeared through the door and down the stairs.  
  


When she opened the door to their hotel room, it was completely dark. She threw the key onto the bed in frustration; she hadn’t realised how much she’d hoped to find him there until now; the thought of what he might do almost crushed her lungs. And she didn’t even feel guilty for not being worried about the planet or the universe; he was all she could think about.  
Just a day ago he’d told her he wanted it all to be over. And she’d _dragged_ him with her, simply refusing to give up – as always.

 _That’s why you can’t let me go, isn’t it?_ His words rang through her head as she sat down on the edge of the bed and started to untie her hair. Every fibre in her body wanted go and look for him, but she knew it would be pointless; she’d never find him when he didn’t want to be found.  
“Oh, I hate you so much!” She mumbled, as she tried and failed to get the tight braids out of her hair. They’d only felt nice as long as he was there to enjoy them. And now she would never have normal hair again! She grabbed the key from the bed and threw it against the mirror with such force, it left a small crack in the glass. Then she let herself fall back onto the bed, her hair now a tangled mess.  
“Just come back and untie my hair, you idiot.” She whispered, involuntarily trying to detect his mind somewhere in the thousands of mental signals around her. But he wasn’t there; he’d left her alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I hope I didn't disappoint anyone with the last chapter. It might have felt like it didn't add anything to the plot, but in my head there was a lot happening, I guess. I'm not sure how explicit sex scenes can be in a story that is not actually about sex; it's one of the many things I'm trying to figure out as writer. So if you have any inputs on that, I'd be happy to hear them!  
> Also sorry for not marking it as "Mature" at first, it's my first story on AO3 and I don't quite know what I'm doing yet.
> 
> Anyway, if you stuck with the story, thanks a lot! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I wish you a lovely week xx


	6. Last Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could have dragged this out into being a 200 page novel, but when I finished this chapter, I just felt like I'd told the story I wanted to tell. So this will be the last one, I hope you like it! <3

Gallifrey was burning around her; children were running through the streets screaming, chased by Cybermen who were all still half-human – or were they Timelords? – and she was surrounded by members of the High Council, telling her that she would forget all about it as soon as it was over.

The Doctor knew she was dreaming: She had been half-awake, watching her planet crumble to ash over and over for what felt like days. But although she wasn’t fully asleep, she wasn’t quite able to wake up either, trapped in the depths of her memories and fears.

That was, until she was pulled back to reality by the sound of glass shattering. She was sitting up in bed immediately, her eyes wide open in alarm and the aftershocks of her dreams chased down deep into the bottom of her chest, as she looked around for the source of the noise. After blinking a few times to clear her vision, she quickly spotted the bathroom door, now open a lot wider than she’d left it when she’d gone to bed.

“Master?” She asked into the silence, already getting up. There was no reply, only the sound of heavy breathing, coming from the other side of the door as she approached it. She pushed it open carefully, trying to adjust her eyes to the dark instead of switching on the light because she could already feel the pain it would cause her eyes.

In the moonlight that was coming in from the window, she could clearly see his silhouette, hunched over the toilet, holding onto the rim of it as he dry-heaved. She immediately made her way over to him, the relief over having him back quickly winning over her worry for his current state, and kneeled down to put a hand on his back. He barely reacted to it, caught up in trying to catch his breath. She wasn’t surprised it was painful – he had no food to get rid of together with the alcohol. At least she assumed that was what it was that had put him in this position.

She ran her hand slowly down his back, patiently waiting for him to calm down. The first breath he took when he had immediately turned to a quiet sob as he exhaustedly leaned his head forward.  
“I’m sorry.” He slurred. Yes, definitely alcohol. “I’m so sorry, I…” His words were lost in another sob as his shoulders started to shake.  
“Don’t apologise.” She whispered. “I’m just glad you’re here.” She dropped a kiss on his shoulder before moving to wrap her arm around him so he could rest his body against hers.

“How badly is everything spinning?” She asked, regarding his complete lack of coordination as he tried to sit upright.  
“I don’t know where the ground is.” He whimpered and if the situation had been different, she would have laughed – they’d been there so many times.

“Okay, that’s okay, just keep leaning on me and it doesn’t matter where the ground is.” She said calmingly. “And you still feel sick?” He gave her a quick nod, pressing his eyes together at the mention of it.  
“You should drink some water.” She suggested carefully.  
“ _No_.” He said immediately, shaking his head with absolute conviction. She sighed. Why did drunk people never say _yes_ when you offered them water?  
“Okay, not right now. We’ll stay here for a minute, is that okay?” He nodded, leaning his head against her shoulder as he continued to be shaken by sobs. She knew there was no point in telling him it was okay with the way he was feeling right now, so she just held him close and gently stroked his arm while he cried.

He ended up bent over the toilet again, and she did force him to drink water after that, taking the glass from the sink that was _not_ shattered on the ground. She manoeuvred him further away from the shards when she came back, which wasn’t all the easy with him not understanding _why_ he was supposed to move and they ended up half-tangled on the ground, her arm still firmly holding him up while she carefully put the glass to his lips.

His breathing started to even out after he had taken a few sips, although he had looked like she was torturing him while he’d done so.  
Now that he was a bit more calm, she could feel his mind latching onto hers like grasping for a lifeline and it was clear to her immediately how much he must have made himself suffer by refraining to reach for her before. She comfortingly wrapped her mind around his and put the glass on the ground.  
 _Oh, love. Why do you do this to yourself?_ She asked quietly, talking more to herself than to him, but it made his breath hitch low in his throat.  
“Shh, I’m here.” She whispered. “I’m here now; it’s okay.” He nodded weakly. She could only hope that he would actually believe her, this time.

“Do you think we could make it to the bed, hm?” She asked after a moment, softly stroking his cheek to get his attention.  
“Mmm, wanna stay here.” He mumbled, his eyes slowly falling shut. Brilliant, he was going to fall asleep on the bathroom floor.  
“Listen, you can’t do that, just come with me.” She tried in her most convincing tone, although the idea of falling asleep right here suddenly didn’t seem that bad to her tired brain. As she slowly loosened her grip on him and moved to get up, he caught her hand with his.  
“Don’t leave.” He said, looking up at her with panic in his eyes.  
“I’m not going to, I just want you to come to bed.”  
“Please, don’t leave.” He repeated, more pleadingly this time. “You promised you wouldn’t leave me.” She sighed deeply. He was _s_ _uch_ a drama queen.

“Okay, we’ll stay here then.” She said, letting herself relax back against the floor. “It’s not like I needed proper sleep anyway.” As soon as she’d said it, he loosened his grip on her hand and moved to rest his head in her lap, apparently having used up his all his remaining energy to convince her. He couldn’t suppress a small smile when she regarded him. He _was_ a drama queen. But he was _her_ drama queen.  
  
  
When she woke up the next morning – or was it noon? – the sun was already high up in the sky. She forced her eyes to open fully, although her whole body felt way too heavy to move.  
Okay, she was facing the cracked mirror on the wall, so she wasn’t in the bathroom anymore. But how had she got back here and where was… She turned around with a huff to find the Master lying next to her, sleeping peacefully. She started at him in confusion for a moment before she remembered how she’d left him in the bathroom once he was sleeping deeply enough not to stop her. He’d crawled into bed next to her right at the brink of dawn, waking her up just for a second by reaching for her hand under the blanket.

Despite her tiredness, she kept her eyes open to watch him sleep. Like that, it looked like he could actually be okay; like everything was over. And she kept telling herself it was. That things should be fine now – that they could move on. But the way she felt just wasn’t quite catching up and the more she tried to force it, the less it seemed to work.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when he slowly began to open his eyes. She didn’t bother trying to hide that she’d been watching him, especially not when she had an opportunity to have such a close look at the eyelashes he had in this incarnation – they must be able to breach the distance between Pluto and Earth.  
Besides, he didn’t even seem to notice, because as soon as his eyes met hers, he closed them again and buried his head in the pillow with a pained whimper.

“Does your head hurt?” She whispered, trying not to sound too amused. When he didn’t reply, she gently ran a hand through his hair before getting up to go to the bathroom, where she remembered the mess on the ground and groaned internally – it had taken them exactly one day to break the mirror _and_ a glass – and went over to the windows on her way back to lower the blinds all the way so the room was drenched in a faint grey. Then she went to sit on the edge of the bed right next to him.

He turned onto his back and blinked up at her with glassy eyes.  
“Your hair looks terrible.” He said hoarsely.  
“That’s absolutely your fault.” She replied instantly.  
“It’s not my fault you can’t handle your own hair.” He said drily. She rolled her eyes with a small smile, before regarding his expression closely.

“How much do you remember?” She asked cautiously. He looked at her for another moment, before moving his hand to cover his face.  
“Too much, I think” He replied, rubbing his eyes. “That’s the irony of drinking to forget, isn’t it?”

“You scared the shit out of me when you left like that, do you know that?” She asked. He nodded briefly.  
“I know, it was stup-“  
“You can’t do that to me after what happened back ho- on Gallifrey.” She added, all the panic and guilt she’d felt the night before now pouring out of her in frustration. “After what you said then, I thought you might-“  
“I know, okay? I know.” He repeated, more pressingly this time with his voice even more hoarse and his hand shaking slightly.

“Please let me look at you.” She said, softening her tone. He shook his head, turning away from her.  
“You’ve seen me cry enough, don’t you think?”  
“That doesn’t matter to me, why does it to you?” She asked, running a hand over his arm. “What makes you feel so ashamed right now, tell me.” There was a moment of heavy silence, in which she continued stroking his arm and he looked like he was holding his breath.

“Because I wanted to, okay?” He finally said, moving his hand from his face to grab the blanked as he sat up. “I wanted to and I almost did and you would have hated me because I gave up; because I’m weak.” He looked down at his knees, stifling a sob as he held onto the blanket with a desperate grasp. She blinked away her own tears as she took a deep breath. There was so much she wanted to say to that, but it all got stuck in her throat when she looked at him: He was so convinced; was beating himself up so harshly over something that was so far from the truth.

“Come here.” She said, moving closer and extending an arm toward him. He shook his head.  
“You can’t fix this.” He whispered. “You can’t fix me.”  
“And I don’t want to.” She said, making him look up a little. “Just come here for a second, will you?” He gave in with another shake of his head, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his head on her shoulder as she pulled him close.  
“You’re not weak.” She said. He snorted bitterly. “Not even right now. It’s a strong thing to do to let down your walls; let someone in. _I’m_ not that strong, most of the time.” She felt like he was actually calming down a bit. “And just so you know: I’ve wanted to give up before too – so many times. Not that I really could, but I didn’t know that, did I?” At that, he gave her a genuine chuckle. “But I didn’t. And you didn’t either and I’m proud of you.”

“You’re not.” He said, pulling away from her to face her and in that moment, she realised she’d never said it – with all of Missy’s efforts, he’d never once said he was proud of her.

“Yes, I am.” She repeated, using her finger to gently wipe a few tears off his face. “You’re trying; that’s what matters. And I don’t expect or need anything else from you. You are more than good enough for me.” She paused for a second, before adding: “Even when I’m not allowed to touch you.” He shook his head and looked down again.

“Do you _want_ to touch me? When I’m like this?” He asked quietly. She chuckled softly.  
“Did you brush your teeth before coming to bed?” He rolled his eyes before giving her a small nod. She didn’t hesitate for another second before pulling him into a tender kiss. He sank against her with a pleased sigh, his hands slowly wandering under her shirt as he kissed back eagerly.  
  
  
They stayed in bed until the sun started to set. At least he did – she went to get food for him, which he vehemently protested against, convinced that it would only make him feel more sick. But all it took was her leaning in and whispering:  
“Be good for me and I’ll be nice when I punish you next time.” for him to eventually comply. Which, when she thought about it, might have not been all that fair, but at least it worked. And of course it _did_ make him feel better; she could have told him that from the beginning.  
Then she put on _Rick and Morty_ and carefully manoeuvred him into her arms over the course of three episodes so he wouldn’t notice what she was doing, drawing soft circles on his back once he slowly started to fall back asleep with his head resting on her chest.  
  
  
She gathered all her courage while waiting for him to come out of the shower, sitting cross-legged on the bed with her hair finally untangled (it had taken him three seconds; she had no idea how he’d done it) and her hearts hammering rapidly in her chest.  
 _You have to do it, he won’t get angry, it’s the right thing to do._ She told herself over and over while playing with the hair tie he’d left lying on the bed. She remembered that one well; he’d used to wear it all the time - and he'd let her have it without a second thought.

When he finally stepped out of the bathroom, her eyes snapped up at him immediately.  
“What is it?” He asked, slightly taken aback. “Are you scared of me?”  
“You wish.” She said, trying and failing miserably to sound light-hearted.  
“Okay, now _I’m_ scared. What’s going on?” He asked in a more serious tone, sitting down right next to her on the edge of the bed. She bit her lower lip as she looked at him. Oh, he looked so good in only that towel, all she wanted to do was… No, no she was going to say it now. Last time she’d pushed him into bed instead of voicing her concerns had ended in an utter disaster.

“My eyes are up here, you know.” He said after a moment, smirking when she looked up again. How long had she been staring? Also, his eyes, for some reason, had the exact same effect on her as his body. But she forced herself to focus on the faint dark circles around them; the lingering redness betraying his bright gaze. Yes, she could do it.

“There is something I’d like to try with you.” She finally said, starting to twist the hair tie in her fingers again.  
“Oh, yeah?” He asked seductively. “I can’t wait to hear.” She rolled her eyes.  
“As much as I like trying _those_ things with you.” She said. “It’s something else. Something probably not as pleasant.” He rose his eyebrows in expectation.

“Well, as I said, I don’t want to fix you. Because you don’t need to be fixed. But… You’re obviously suffering and I’m…” She took a deep breath. Why was this so hard?

“What are you trying to say, love?” He asked and took hold of her hand, the softness in his eyes making her hearts melt.

“Don’t be so nice, it’s freaking me out.” She smiled, hoping it would chase the tears from her eyes. “Well… I’m suffering too.” She finally admitted. “I think that I _should_ be okay, but I don’t feel okay – haven’t in a long time and I thought we could… Try and let someone help us? Because we’re obviously not very good at dealing with it ourselves, as has been shown by many burnt planets.” He looked with a small grin, the anger she’d expected completely missing from his face.  
“ _You_ think you can’t deal with something on your own? Really?”

She shrugged her shoulders.  
“Maybe I’m not very good at admitting I’m hurt. And I would like to change that. If you’re with me?” She blinked up at him hopefully.

“So you want go to therapy. With _me_?” He asked. She nodded. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? Not worried about the therapist?” Relief instantly flooded her chest; she had to take a deep breath in order not to start laughing from how good it felt to have that weight lifted off her shoulders.

“I think the therapists here have dealt with worse.” She smiled. “Well, maybe.” She added after giving it a second thought. “But I mean, you’ve never apologised this quickly after a fight before, so I've got hope.”

“Did I apologise?” He asked cluelessly. She chuckled and squeezed his hand.

“You did, love. Twice.”

“ _Twice?_ Oh no. Can we never mention that again, please?” She moved from her position to sit on his lap, one leg on either side of his.

“I won’t shut up about it for at least the next five hundred years.” She grinned. “And I forgive you.”  
“Stop!” He groaned, letting his head drop against her chest and tightly wrapping his arms around her waist. “I hate you so much.”

“Yeah, I know.” She smiled as she dropped a soft kiss his head. “I hate you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! <3 And for all the comments and Kudos, they made me so, so happy :)  
> I loved writing this; I hope you enjoyed reading it. Lots of love and stay healthy! xx


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